Take Care As I tallied her purchases at the till, she eyed me up and down, leaned in and whispered to me, “Honey, you really don’t have time to look after yourself, do you?”

This well intended comment (I think), echoed in my ears as I stood behind the counter, without makeup, plain hair, old jeans and a t-shirt with a little blob of baby puke on it. Three -year-old Liam toddled around my feet, and Adam, a newborn baby, smiled sweetly in the stroller.

I think she meant to say, “I see you’re working really hard on the farm, raising babies, getting your hands dirty and giving it your all.  More power to you, Mama!” But that’s not what I heard.

That was the last time I appeared in the butcher shop without my hair done and makeup on!

Self-care was not on my radar at that point in my life. But maybe it should have been.

I managed to get my physical appearance in order with a trip to the hair stylist, the beauty counter and some better clothes. However, self-care is so much more than outward appearances.

In fact, looking like I have it all together is not self-care.

The real work of self-care came for me a few years later. Burnout insidiously crept up on me. My inner well was dry. For years, I had poured myself out to employees, customers, family and community commitments without replenishing the well.

I thought “a super mom has a tidy home, makes meals from scratch, is super crafty, looks good in yoga pants, and doesn’t break a sweat”.

I thought I existed to serve everyone else’s needs ahead of my own — you know “the customer comes first” mantra.

I had this ridiculous control freak notion in my head that “if I don’t do this, no one else will.” Or “I’m the only one who can do this”. [I know now that I’m much more dispensable than that].

I lost interest in my work, all creative inspiration vacated my brain and I was an automaton going through the motions — all while attempting to keep up a façade of having it all together. [I probably didn’t fool anyone.] This life I was leading did not fit with our farm’s sustainability philosophy.

I tried to be many things to many people, except me.

Through self-diagnosis on the internet (generally not a good idea), reading, research, and deep conversations with Kevin, I came to these self-care realizations:

During my recent Fall Equinox yoga practice, the instructor encouraged us to honour the cycles of the year and seasons.

Energetically, just as leaves fall and plants root down for winter, Autumn is a time to turn inward, to rest, regenerate and restore. I feel it in my body. I feel the urge to let my inner introvert shine, albeit no one will see because I’ll be hibernating at home!

Yet, on the farm, Fall is harvest season. Approximately 40% of our sales occur in the last three months of the year. It’s go time! We blink and it’s Christmas!

For many, fall is a time when life ramps up with school, extra-curricular activities, work and volunteer commitments. Google calendar becomes our ever-present companion as we juggle schedules and hurriedly rush to the next event.

So how do we honour the season and our body, especially in the rush to Christmas?

Fall is a time to bring balance back to our lives by checking in with ourselves. We all set goals in January for 2018, but it’s helpful to look back and see what we’ve accomplished, readjust, let go of the disappointments and be receptive to new ideas.

Fall is a time to ask ourselves “What does the remainder of the year have in store for me?”

I’ve learned that taking care of yourself lovingly takes care of the others around you too.

How do you find balance? Or is it a myth? Do you just lean in? How do you create a life you don’t need to escape from? I’d like to hear from you.

Melanie Boldt Written by:


  1. Avatar
    Gladys Neufeld
    October 30, 2018

    I especially like, “True self care … is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.” Such an important life goal, and so hard to do!

  2. Avatar
    October 30, 2018

    To me you always looked just fine ,Melanie. I/we find balance by some daily physical exercise , usually a walk with our dog , mixed with reading ( paper ) and enjoying a TV show together . Share responsibilities , like kitchen and yardwork .And be friendly and interact with others .

  3. Avatar
    Sue Letwin
    October 30, 2018

    You have always inspired me. Now I’m starting my own business and you are one of my unseen mentors. I keep your example in my thoughts as I begin my own journey. I think it’s a time of life as we women age to begin to do our own thing and move away from constantly nurturing others. I’ve been feeling lately that I would like to be independent from my family! I love them dearly and they are also a lot of work. I salute your ability to voice these private thoughts to help others

    • Melanie Boldt
      October 30, 2018

      Sue, we’ve known each other for over 20 years! We wish you well in your next venture!

  4. Avatar
    Melinda Brown
    October 30, 2018

    I first want to start off by saying just how much we truly appreciate the job you and your family does as well as all the other SK farmers. You help us bring that same self care to our families by providing much great goodness and you share so selflessly your bounties.
    Thank you for being you 😀

    • Melanie Boldt
      October 30, 2018

      Awwww, thanks for the note. That makes everything worthwhile!

  5. Avatar
    February 28, 2019

    I really enjoyed this reflective post. I am also a busy mom and work part time outside the home in addition to parenting. When the twins were smaller I cried a lot. I wore faded black workout pants everywhere. To work, at home, to the gym (almost never made it to the gym). I’m not a makeup person so that does not factor into my self care in any way, but bath products really do. Salt baths ARE part of my self-care. I imagine it’s unique to each person, their self-care tools.

    Saying no and drawing boundaries are definitely also part of my self-care. But also saying yes to going out with friends and leaving my kids with my partner is part of my self-care. Lately, now that the kids are almost 3, carving out time to lane swim is part of my self-care. Leaving the kids a bit longer at daycare so I can come home to nap before picking them up is part of my self-care.

    Doing an after supper kitchen tidy is part of my self-care. Waking up to a semi-clean kitchen is the only way I want to start my day. Prioritizing food prep is part of my self-care. Because if I’m preparing balanced, yummy meals, my body feels better. Monitoring self-talk and replacing mean self-talk is a new part of my self-care.

    In the winter, I try to remind myself it’s time to slow down. I try to appreciate the rest from our busy outdoor lives. I read. I paint. I catch a nap every chance I get. I watch Netflix. Go sledding with the kids. I try to have a balanced life and appreciate the small stuff.

    • Melanie Boldt
      March 1, 2019

      Dawn,your comments resonate with me so clearly. As moms, sometimes we give of ourselves to our loved ones until there’s nothing left to give because we haven’t filled our own “well”. And that’s not good for anyone. Your practical, loving self-care routine is beautiful. Listen to your heart, mind and body. Love it.

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